Optometrists are thinkers. We sit around chewing on the least important issues as if our entire world will most certainly collapse if we choose the wrong side dish at Taco Bell. So, imagine the turmoil the poor OD faces when a sales rep wants him to order a lens bank. What to do!? 

I have developed a few random thoughts that might help you gain the confidence to make weighty decisions such as this:

1. Tackle every computer decision with the clear understanding that you will eventually drop the monitor onto your arthritic big toe. Choose accordingly.

2. When you think, “that was the stupidest idea I’ve ever had,” know that you’ll top that someday, I promise. 

3. Studies show that, if you decide your answer is no you will be right 87.45% of the time. 

4. No decision you make will make sense to your spouse. 

5. If “just say yes!” pops into your head, it’s the Holy Spirit talking—unless it’s a weight loss infomercial at 3am. 

6. Never make your final decision based on how much it costs you because your patients are paying for it! They will not be happy unless it benefits them.

7. Try new lenses on every candidate as your first choice. Only keep the fitting set if eight of every 10 patients love it. 

8. If you are deciding what multifocal contact lens to choose for a patient, you are already in over your head, my friend. 

9. A written policy gives you confidence in tricky situations. If a patient’s phone rings, my policy is to leave the room for at least an hour for their privacy.

10. Once you de-cide on a new phone system, unload and remove all firearms from your house to prevent some other kind of “-cide.” 

11. Never decide that patients are snotty-heads based on their front desk interactions. They are probably just mad at their spouse, running late for a tennis lesson—or maybe they are, in fact, snotty-heads. 

12. Each day wake up and decide to be at peace. Smile and laugh, enjoy each moment and, if all else fails, there is always tequila. 

13. One theory is that the more you learn about your profession the better decisions you will make. Or you can stay stupid and be just as successful. 

14. If in doubt, trust #2 more than #1. 

15. There’s a good reason that restaurant’s parking lot is empty.

16. When buying a new car, test drive it to a lumberyard and compare it with all the other vehicles. Still like it? Buy it. 

17. Always refer to the wisdom of the punk band, The Clash. If I can’t decide, Should I Stay or Should I Go, my fallback position is Rock the Casbah. It works for me. 

18. Nancy Reagan was correct: just say no.

19. When the decision has the potential to be a life game changer, I look at all the facts, carefully research the alternatives, lay out the myriad sequelae—and then I do what my wife says. 

20. Drink tons of water. The quiet times my kidneys have afforded me have contributed so much to my decision making process. 

You are now prepared to make outstanding decisions—or at least have something to do while you procrastinate: Google The Clash. That will give you a break in the action as you Rock the Casbah.