Witty and insightful commentary on optometric practice from long-time humor columnist Montgomery Vickers, OD.

Cover Your Assets

Patient education is tricky, but I’ve got a system that really works—as long as “huh?” counts as an answer.

Get Online or Get Lost

Even your grandma has a Facebook account these days. Isn’t it time you finally became a real doctor, according to the internet?

Oh, How I Wish

You can’t always get what you want, but maybe one day you will meet a genie in a bottle. Be prepared with your list of demands.

20 Tips to Think Through

My mind wanders when faced with a big decision. Here’s where it goes, and what it has learned.

Gotta Do the Math

Patients trust my math to correct their vision, and I don’t even know if I passed any math classes. This proves I’m good for something, at least.

When Isn’t it Allergy Season?

You know it’s in full force when a patient recommends you take OTC ketotifen drops BID OU.

One Billion Chairsides Later...

This column has been marking its territory in these hallowed pages for a quarter of a century. So watch where you step.

Supplemental Information

Of course you should Rx ‘neutraceuticals.’ Just pray to St. John that his Wort works.


How to win patients and influence people.

On Next: Optometry Live

Today’s gadgets have some doctors worried about constant surveillance. But if you embrace your own antics, you’ve got nuthin’ to worry about.

Upcoming Events

February 17-21, 2017

Topic: Annual Winter Ophthalmic Conference
Location: Snowmass Village, Aspen, CO
Up to 20 CE credits (COPE approval pending)
Register here

March 24-26, 2017

Topic: New Technologies and Treatments in Eye Care
Location: Marriott Charleston, Charleston, SC
Program Chair: Paul Karpecki, OD, FAAO 
Up to 17 CE credits (COPE approval pending)
Register here

April 20-23, 2017

Topic: New Technologies and Treatments in Eye Care & OCCRS Joint Meeting
Location: San Diego Marriot Del Mar, San Diego, CA
Up to 28 CE credits (COPE approval pending)
Register here


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