When was your last eye examination, doctor?
I know…87.6% of you have just turned the page to read something important—like how to improve employee morale with a virtual cotton candy station in the lounge, as required by Obamacare. But for you few hardy souls still on this page, I want to help you understand that eye examinations are an important part of anyone’s health care—eye doctors included.
My expert research team has determined that, out of 100 optometrists, only 12.3% get a yearly eye examination. (Twelve percent is bad enough, but I was confused by the remaining 0.3%—until I met this guy at a recent meeting who seemed to be only one-third there. He’ll move up now that I’ve explained a PD rule to him.)
So why haven’t you had your eyes examined? It’s very easy to get a convenient appointment with a trusted colleague. All you do is call him or her at home and threaten to accept another vision plan unless they meet you on a Saturday at their office. So, getting the appointment is the easy part.
Getting a decent eye examination is the hard part. I mean, they kinda know how to give a decent eye exam, even though you know they are idiots. But by the time you show up and hang out (dissing the other eye guys in town), you might be lucky to get a perfunctory, “Which is better, one or two?”
Deep down inside, they could care less if you can see the big E.
Now, they like you all right and they want you to have a wonderful, nice, healthy and happy life. But they really wish you weren’t a block away from where they are trying to have their own wonderful, nice, healthy and happy life. Perhaps shorting you on your near add would sway the balance of power?
The good news is they do want to dilate your pupils—so you can’t see patients that day. The best revenge is to put them on your recall system and then insist they come in every year so YOU can check THEIR eyes. Now, who’s laughing, Dr. Overrefraction? He who laughs first gets 10% atropine last!
Treat Your Staff...to an Exam
OK, by now, you’ve probably scheduled your own next eye examination with the cheesy doctor across town, plotting how to test his retinoscopy skills and to steal his best employee or something. That’s all good, but what about your own staff members? Have you checked their eyes lately?
I don’t mean when they say their eye itches and you give them a sample artificial tear. I mean a real exam, the kind you give that patient of yours who works for the meanest lawyer in town. How are you going to show your staff that eye health and vision is important if you don’t really check them out?
I know, you’re busy all day long. If you are, then you’re the first eye doctor in the country with that problem. You can see them at the end of the day. How about that?
Everyone needs a good eye examination. Even you. Even me. Even your best friend. Even your worst enemy. The last two could be the same guy some days.
If you need an exam, and you’re afraid of your colleagues, you can come down to my office. Not only do I have 34 years of experience, I also am HIPAA compliant, so I won’t put your IOPs on Facebook.
And, you can try our new virtual cotton candy machine!