This very important statement was first made not by Thomas Edison, nor by me the time our fuse box shorted out when I cranked my amp up to 11 for that Hendrix moment last year. This statement was made by none other than God. No matter how cool you are, you should pay attention when He (or She), or my wife, speaks.

This was paraphrased nicely by my senior partner who, after I spent 20 minutes explaining the intricacies of one of my first patient’s symptoms, stated the following words of optometric wisdom: “Vickers, just make ’em see better.”

True. We all know that the fear of loss of vision is only trumped by the fear that insurance may not cover the costs associated with said vision. For the record, this data has not been confirmed in the State of Colorado. On the other hand, my understanding is that the State of Colorado has more medical marijuana clinics per capita than any state in the Union.

Interestingly, since these started, the incidence of intractable glaucoma has quadrupled. I myself often feel glaucomatous when I think of Colorado, but, since it is not on an island in the Caribbean, I just don’t go there … much.

Seeing is very important. Some of my best friends want to see. I myself have been known to visit the second best optometric physician in my town for a passable eye examination that always includes me self-refracting when I get back to my office because, after all, this fellow is, as stated, the second best optometric physician in town.

But I see pretty well. Of course, my seeing well includes multiple contact lens designs, several pairs of glasses, which each have their own strengths and weaknesses, and my acute knowledge of my specific visual demands that cover the gamut from stuffing apples into chicken cavities to the occasional Toby Keith concert.

My patients, as a whole, want to see. They express this to me quite often. Most complaints have to do with “I can’t see the scores” or “You know that weather thing on TV?” These are important in anyone’s life, certainly. The obituaries are also a point of contention. Misreading an obit can lead to much turmoil in one’s life—take it from me and I apologize again, Mrs. Duggens, in case you are still Googling my columns as you search for sweet revenge. I still contend it was a nice wreath.

Vanity and Egoism
Of course, seeing can be overrated. I mean, have you scrolled through your standard satellite TV channel list lately? You can get yourself in real trouble. Doesn’t “Christmas Buns” sound like a great baking show? Try explaining that to Mrs. Vickers.

Now, modern science has developed new ways of seeing altogether. Good sight used to make sense but now it is clouded by vanity and egoism. Have you met the patient who gripes every year about the fact that his left eye is only 20/25 and then he has LASIK and his best VA is 20/40 and he excitedly tells everyone “I’ve never seen better than this!”

But Bill Gates has convinced me that my (meaning our) day will come, doctors. He recently stated that soon all of our technologies would come together in such a way that everything we hold so dear—computers, televisions, GPSs, phones, movies, blood glucose monitors, strawberry sundaes, etc.—will be contained in one tiny device we all have strapped to our arms like eensy-weensy watches and just in time for the Baby Boomers to all hit terminal presbyopia. (He doesn’t care. He’s probably a -6.00 myope. God gave him a built-in microscope.)

When this hits, we will be there to just make ’em see better. Let there be light!