I’ve had some great ideas along the way… haven’t you? I mean, we wake up in the middle of the night, or in my case, I wake up in the middle of an examination somewhere between asking number one or number two, and BOOM! Something brilliant just pops into my little head.  

As the patient waits, holding his breath, for me to say “number two,” I realize they already have spinny things to keep grandchildren hypnotized while you watch golf for five hours and, full of disappointment, I say “or number two” to the now cyanotic patient.   

But I still say it’s a good idea to have good ideas pop into your head. Most are horse manure, but once in a while someone has an idea that leads to revolutions in optometry.  

Just think of all the stuff you wish you had. 

Optometry Would-be Greats

Me? I wish I had a pen that would close itself as it approached my once white and now black and blue striped shirt pocket. If it would sign my name every time I laid it on a prescription pad, so much the better. 

I want an ophthalmoscope that used a little needle to shoot Botox (onabotulinumtoxinA, Allergan) into the orbicularis so I could see what the heck is going on without having to rassle an eyelid. 

I would love a disposable contact lens that didn’t list the power on the blister pack so I would not have to spend at least three hours a week listening to a 55-year-old contact lens wearer tell me they could read the newspaper perfectly when they wore a -2.25 in the right eye in 1984.  

Speaking of contact lenses, maybe they can make a multifocal lens that starts beeping when it’s inside out or maybe when it gets close to the hyperopic eye. Better yet, they could make one people can see out of. 

I have this idea that once a patient/parent gets to about 86, we could have a convention where we all trade patients/parents. 

What about when a Millennial searches for online contact lenses and glasses, all the websites show that spring break picture from freshman year and promise to publish it all over the web for free with every purchase?

What if we teach the concept of astigmatism to 4th graders so the kids, not me, could spend an hour explaining astigmatism to their ignorant parents. 

Not-so-optometry Wannabe Greats

Have you ever wanted a wall plug on your belt? For some reason, it’s a dream of mine. 

How about a small and powerful cell phone that unfolds into a 24-inch computer monitor when you receive a text?

When somebody calls me from a number I don’t recognize, I want to activate an app that has an angry beehive delivered to their doorstep within 24 hours. Shipping is free. 

Ideas are good. I once woke up in the middle of the night psyched about an idea that would revolutionize eye care and make me a billionaire. Too bad I didn’t write it down before I peed.

Shouldn’t optometrists elect an absolute, all-powerful ruler who would make amazing changes and have total say over what procedures optometrists can do from now to the end of time? After all is perfect, I can retire and you can elect a new ruler.